Do The Opposites Make The Most Of It ?

Love-Hate

Happy-Sad

Rested- unrested

And It goes on and on.

Lately, I have been attracted by the conflictual linkage among the opposites. When you lift up the curtain, they are quite alike in a way. Starting form this point of view, I invented some sort of a game. I decided to observe people around me. It was simple, easy and harmless. I was going to be the one who was to play house all by myself -by choice. My target audiences would be my family and my friends in the first place. Well, I am not going to share their names nor will I give any specific personal informations about them. However, I think I can give you a little secret. My strange game turned out to be the most interesting game I’ve ever played.

I was making an omelette for myself as my mother and my sister had a little debate. Physically, I seemed to be busy cooking but nope! I was listening to them. All my attention was focused on their talking style. I was the stalker of my own game. Firstly, they sounded quite polite but after a while their politenesses were nowhere to be found. They weren’t rude at all, but you could easily feel the lack of affection for a short moment. Well,  they adore each other. I mean, we all have little debates with family members and friends from time to time. It is not a shock to us, right ? 🙂 When their choices of words got a little unlikeable, you could feel the tiny hollow line between the opposites.

The oppositeness of feelings.  It was so astonishing to witness how quickly we were able change our attitudes towards someone we really loved.

The other day I had a little discussion with my boyfriend. We talk a lot with each other, I think there is this indefinable nurturing connection between us. That being said, we do argue. You know how criticisms are like, don’t you?! Now that we are all grown ups and we know “how to handle criticisms” there is no need to bother. Seriously ?  Without any exceptions, why do all grown ups lie about this ? We are already self-criticizing animals  through all our lives that’s why I believe it is easier to embrace constructive criticisms for us. On the other, all destructive criticisms do is cause more destructions. Yet again, let’s admit that we are not really into taking criticism at all. It takes maturity , is this what you are thinking? Well, I agree with you dear readers.

Differently from this, my obsession is directed at the style. The speaking style. Whenever people say things to me about me, I try to sense the feeling that may have fed their criticism whether it is good or bad. Wait! Where was I?! Ah, okay. Me and my boyfriend. I just noticed that every time we argued, it was not because we didn’t like each other – on the contrary we love each other! And it was not because we were immature individuals. It was because of the words we said. It was because we did not pick exactly the right words to criticize each other. And with the heat of the conversation, we couldn’t see that it was a mistake and we kept on speaking the words of every judgmental mind could speak, the words that did not belong to us. When the air get a little too heated, change the subject. It always works for us and you understand it the moment you “once again” figure out “that person loves me and says things to me only to improve me or to be honest with me”- ( Well, in some cases it might be different in a bad way, if that special person criticize you harshly only to turn you into someone else then just slip away. Because in love, it is all about improving. If that person loves you, he/she wants you to be a better person. Covering who you are and changing who you are have nothing to do with love.)

All in all, oppositeness include a quick shift in feelings and in situations. Do the same, play the game I played to see how quick we are to misunderstand even the people we love. Is that true? Are human beings inherently judgmental? Does it stem from our hereditary survival instincts ?

There are a few quotes I would like to share with you 🙂

 

“Judging others makes us blind, whereas love is illuminating. By judging others we blind ourselves to our own evil and to the grace which others are just as entitled to as we are.”
Dietrich Bonhoeffer, The Cost of Discipleship

“Don’t judge a man by his opinions, but what his opinions have made of him.”
Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

” It’s not a gift of mine, but one given to me, to be able to criticise myself and not be crushed, by myself or by others. ”

― John Malkovich

Lifestyle

%d bloggers like this: